yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
