Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
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Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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