Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
