if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
