You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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