She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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