he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
