Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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