i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
