oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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