I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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