She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
