I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
