I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
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