I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
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If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
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I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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