I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
