to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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