I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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