The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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