I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
