im six kinds of drunk right now
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
