maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize