that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
