Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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