why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
