I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
