I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
