Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
