Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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