Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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