I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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