cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize