im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
