We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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