Having a random hookup so left but love u
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
