someone threw a dead crab at me
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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