If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
