I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
