We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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