Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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