I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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