i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
