im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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