You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
