you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
