i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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