she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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