the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize