that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
kristin has been a bad kristin
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
