You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
