My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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