If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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