and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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