I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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