I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
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