Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
