What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
