Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
