it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
