I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I wear drunk well.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
