Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize