dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude i'm inner monologue high
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
