he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
