So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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