You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
