Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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